dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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