If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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