The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
