Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
