We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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