how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
