dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
