He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
