Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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