Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
