get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
