He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
