hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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