thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
