there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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