Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
