I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
