He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
