Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
