Pants 0. Shit 1.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
