dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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