Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
