Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
