Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
