She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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