he wants to bone in the snuggie
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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