I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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