I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
