butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
