How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
