Welp...herpes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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