You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
