hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
