you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
too bad you live with your parents still
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
