You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
