Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
