never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
