my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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