Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
