i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
