he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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