Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
