I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
