i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
