Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
