ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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