I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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