When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
