i need an iv and a liver transplant
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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