this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
