if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i now understand why vodka
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
