My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
