**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
