so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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