i just had sex bonerless
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
