just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
