dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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