I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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