I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
