What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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