im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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