Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
