Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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