i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
two words...techno handjob
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
