You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
